This.. a movie...we shall see

Encouragement Needed Please!

I do not need to be told I'm doing the right thing usually, but for for various reasons right now I need help. I have decided to go back to school and finish a couple of degrees and then hopefully open my own retail store. What's the issue most of you are saying. So what!
Well I have two young children, one of which is only 1 years old and he still needs his mommy right? Probably not as much as I think.
Anyway, I have stayed at home for 6 years with my kids. I quit my college education when I became pregnant and I have since decided it's very important for me to finish my degree for my sake and for my family's. My husband and I think it's very important for our sons to see me go to school graduate and succeed in a career.
I have a long road ahead of me. I think reasonably, I will finish three degrees from two different schools in about 5 years. It should work out perfect since my youngest will then be in all day school.
In truth, I'm scared to go back. I'm 30, I have been at home for 6 years, I'm joining young men and women that I will have to do projects with and I hope they accept me. I hope my kids will accept me and I hope my husband will continue to support me. I need my friends and family to keep encouraging me. I know I'm doing what I NEED to do for myself. I know I CAN do it. I just need help along the way!

Jimmy Kimmel's response to Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon

Oh my god this is funny! I'm not sure how they got so many actors to do it.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=6lcmNaXmjvs

Letter to my body,

I am writing this letter because we are suffering from some major communication issues. I talk, you don't listen, and I realize I have to be patient but there is only so much I can take. You and I have had the longest lasting relationship in my life and yet we still can't meet eye to eye. But to really put this lifelong issue into perspective, we have to go back, way back. I believe it all started when I was 10, and my mom and dad had just finished their biggest keepin' up with the Jones' project and built us a pool. And of course, you have to put a momentous occasion like that into pictures, and there you and I were, 10 years old, and our relationship began and not in such a good way. I have since burned the picture and have put a secret hex on it so that anyone who recalls that picture will feel like sharp needles are being stuck in their eye. Flash forward, to 7th grade, me and my "boyfriend" at the time, technically he just asked me to "go with him," whatever that means. But nonetheless, we were making out on our trampoline, and there you were, bringing out the granny panties. No one told me that you had to always wear cute panties, just like the saying goes, or maybe that's clean panties, now I am confused. I forgave you for that, sort of. But what I can't forgive you for is all the damn pictures you showed up in, what is so hard about making me look good, really, isn't that what friends are for. And honestly, when we are shopping, why do you have to make it so difficult, don't you know the kind of looks we got when we shopped for those fashion items that were just not made for us.
But its time I be realistic, and really address the changes that need to be made in our relationship. And by doing that I can no longer just look at what your inadequacies are, and look at mine.
I have never really appreciated you, I have never put you first, I have never stopped blaming you for all the things that went wrong or could go wrong. I have taken toxic potentially hazardous things to make our relationship better. I have compared you to every other person I see. I have thought about drastic measures to make it better.
What do I do now, honestly, I can make promises to you that I may or may not fulfill. But really, I also have to give myself some credit, I have worked so hard--and I get nothing. I have shed a million tears, and where is my damn sympathy? Where is the change?
I would like to be like the rest of the world and say I appreciate you and through it all, you have been there, and we are a team, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
When will I really feel like you are there for me? I fear so much about our future, I fear we will not be able to be a strong as I want us to be? I have seen so many similar relationships destroyed, and they had the healthiest relationship you could ever imagine.
I have to love you, we are stuck together for life, and I will continue to work hard to make it right, but I need you to do your part, if I work hard, you have to do the same and I want real changes, not any more half-assed excuses, and in the end all I want is for us to have beauty and happiness, that's not too much to ask for.

Sincerely,
Me
http://www.blogher.com/blogher-topics/body-image/letter-my-body

God damn I feel sexy...

My brutally honest husband informed me while on vacation that my hair style was "MULLET-LISHESS".

I had pulled my hair half up. He says "wow, it's all business up front and all party in the back!"

Needless to say it is now my hair style of choice, that's just how I roll.

Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon

You gotta watch this; it's funny shit!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnVJZkDuVBM

Want beef...

143 million pounds of beef nationally is being tossed out

I'm not sure if I'm more shocked that they were abusing the cows or that the U.S. has this much damn meat at its disposal? It was stated that this is the largest beef recall in national history. However, I would like to know more about the penalty Hallmark/Westland Meat Co. will face for the maltreatment of their animals and monetary loss. I have been gone so maybe something was aired or printed.

My hope is this is a wakeup call for our nation. We need to be better stewards to our animals. Yes, I believe that eating meat is part of the food chain. Although, this comes with responsibility and obligation to the animals we are killing.

Recently I was at my local grocery store in hopes of finding a humane egg. My husband just read The Omnivores Dilemma and was horrified by the treatment of chickens for their eggs. I looked for around 10 minutes, reading every label. I don't want them to be just organic or just free range. I want to know that they weren’t kept in cages, that they are not put in the dark to produce more eggs, that they got time outside to do chicken stuff.

I found one, which the name escapes me but it had a humane seal on it, "guaranteeing" its chicken’s quality of life. I put it is quotation marks because, really how will we know. I have to hope that it is true.

Back to the subject, please know where your meat and dairy comes from. Buy organic and free range. This is too expensive you say. Well eat less of it then. Buy quality humane products that cost more and eat them less. I promise that I will seek out the best products and support only those businesses.

Don't give your business to companies that torture, they don't deserve your money and the animals for sure don’t deserve the treatment.

No sir, I don’t want any of your tainted beef!

In the Eyes of my Child

I absolutely love looking into my children's eyes.

I have gained self-esteem from my child's eyes. My baby watches me so intently. He studies my every freckle and pimple, the contour of my jaw line, the way my hair falls into my eyes. After making eye contact with him, he smiles so big. His eyes tell me I'm enough! I'm his momma and he loves me.

Our eyes tell the truth. They can look sad, happy, surprised.... They are a window to our soul.

I never realized the power eyes have until I looked through my children's point of view. Thank you boys!

To have and to hold

So, as I started to sign the obligatory Valentine's Day card to my husband yesterday, I had an epiphany if you will. I did not apologize for the monster (myself) he has been living with for weeks. Why not you ask? Well, of course he did not sign a contract 7+ years ago to take all of my crap, but frankly, it is partially true. Instead I said, how grateful I was that we put up with each other. Really, once you stop writing the fairy tale marriage like a bad Hollywood script and you realize that every day cannot be wine and roses, you will begin to see the reality of marriage is more rewarding than you ever could have imagined.
Marriage is frustrating, it is a lot of work, you will go to bed angry, fights do not have deadlines, and may last longer than you planned in your dayplanner, but just give yourself some credit, you are just trying to figure this whole thing out.
I know that I am going to be married to my husband for time and eternity, or well, until one of us kicks the bucket, but I feel like I am in an AA meeting, I have accepted the things I cannot change, and have the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom, at least 50% of the time to know the difference.
Now, that is not saying that I am the greatest wife, and accepting, courage and wisdom, don't really just jump out and make themselves obvious, but that is the beauty of life, we are learning things everyday.
I am surrounded by great marriages, including my own, but what is so inspiring to me is how real the relationships are. There is no sugar coating, there is no blowing smoke up your ass, and the harsh reality, I believe is those that say they have a perfect marriage are trying to convince themselves that that is true. And in fact, they are afraid to admit to any insufficiency. I may be on the wrong track, and if so, I am sure I can find something to blame it on later, but isn't marriage about being real. We are lucky to have these relationships, it feels good to know that while we are constantly working hard and making mistakes, this person will always be at your side, and you by theirs. It really is, as the tradition goes, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health. And maybe, there is an unspoken vow, I promise to love you for who you are, 365 days a year, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, all 525,600 minutes of every year year, even with leap year, and NOT WHO I EXPECT YOU TO BE, and of course VICE VERSA.
(please proceed to step off soap box)

Happy Valentine's Day

Hope your "special day" is all you hope for...
I will try to be nice, loving, romantic, caring, etc...It has not been easy lately. I have been a royal bitch and in a state of serious PMS for about 2 months now, so if I still have a husband, after everything I have put him through, it will probably be a great day.

My "Perfect" Valentine's Day

If I could plan the perfect valentine's day for myself.... wow what a day that would be.
First I would wake up to a very quiet house, a pot of coffee, and a great book. After reading for a while, I would go for a run with my husband, who just woke up (he's always in a good mood after sleeping-in :).
We would come home and shower together, maybe have a boondoggle and then a great lunch at the Avenues Bakery. Our kids would be at a grandparents house for the day and night so we could take an afternoon nap snuggled together. When we wake, we'll get ready for a wonderful night on the town.
I would start with martinis at Kristoffs. We would then go next door to Takashi's for the best sushi in the city. After filling on great fish and sake we would find ourselves at Juniors tavern playing pool and having more drinks. At this time of night we would both be ready to head home and settle in.
At home, we would rip each other's clothes off before we hit the front door, and with mad passion we'd..... you get the picture. After a pitcher of water we'd go to sleep and sleep through the entire night.
I know it sounds simple to most people, not terribly exciting. To me though it sounds heavenly compared to my actual valentine's plans.
In reality, I'll start my day off with my feet in stirrups for my gyno, then I throw a valentine's party for my son's class. After lunch I will drag my kids to get my car's oil changed. Then it's back home to get ready for pilates in the evening. My night will end with baths for the kids and me, then stories before bedtime. I will probably try to squeeze in the obligatory valentine's sex before I try to sleep four hours until my baby wakes. Reality bites!
A girl has gotta have dreams!

Starring....Me

Hey baby...what do you think about video cameras? Huh? (I said) Well, I was thinking we could make a little video, you know, being intimate? Being intimate...Really...have you been drinking? No, I just thought you know, we have been married for over 7 years and you know they say to try adventurous things to keep your love life exciting. Aren't we exciting? Aren't we?
Well, that is certainly adventurous? Where do you draw the line? Do you draw the line? Once you go forward, can you ever go back? Would you want to? I am all for adventure, but this certainly proposes a whole new theory about adventure.
Now sure, you can keep the little dvd hidden, until one day, you accidentally return it in the Barbie Island Princess case. Poor kid, she will never be the same after something like that.
But it did strike an interesting thought, how do you keep your love life adventurous, how do you allow yourself that kind of freedom, sexually, etc...?
How do you keep it interesting? Marriage can become very monotanous, and trying to make it exciting can take a lot of work and creativity. I know its worth it. Any suggestions and/or comments would be appreciated.

Look under the hood...

How important is it to check under the hood, so to speak, before marriage?

I can't imagine marrying my true love only to find out he enjoys jack hammering while pretending I'm not there. Yes, I speak from past experience.

So how important is compatibility in bed? Should your partner know about your sadomasochistic desires before marrying? Is anyone that honest during the courting phase? And perhaps a better question is, should we be?

Whatever you decide; remember to have fun and don't forget your safe word!

Can someone please stick this fork in my eye...

I began my quest for a renewed driver’s license yesterday at 3:00 p.m. And not before I researched where and what was required. In the end this didn’t help at all.

Of course the office is in the industrial area of town, that has no rhyme or reason where things are located. The first building I park on the exact opposite side where the public is allowed to enter. All the other entrances are employees only. So 4 blocks later, I enter to be told by a bitchy, over worked woman that I’m in the wrong building.

So I drive up to the next corner to find the “right building”, and it is jam packed with people. By this time it is 4:00 p.m. I fill out the appropriate paper work and get in yet another line, only to be told by a very nice gentleman (I really am not sure how anyone with this job is nice), but he was and he tells me that in the hour and a half they will be open, I will most likely not be seen, since there were 60 people ahead of me. What the fuck! Apparently the 3 times I called earlier, no one bothered to tell me that there is an office that only renews licenses. So I drive another 30 minutes across the valley to finally finish at 5:00 p.m.; still needing to vote. Lovely.

I think I’m going to make a t-shirt that says: I went to the DMV and all I got was this stoned picture I'm stuck with for the next 10 years.

ENTER WITH A HISTORY, LEAVE WITH A FUTURE

Yesterday I heard Dr. Mimi Silbert speak about Delancey Street and the Delancey Street Foundation. Her entrepreneurial model leads the country for its residential self-help organization for substance abusers, ex-convicts, homeless and others that have hit bottom. She has built an empire grossing 20 million dollars a year and has never accepted any government assistance. They earn revenue by operating 20 businesses, all run by the residents of the various homes; located in New York, New Mexico, North Carolina, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

She started Delancey Street with 4 residents and a $1,000 loan. The name came from her own childhood home on the lower east side of Manhattan where immigrants like her parents came to live the American dream. She spoke about her parents owning a small convenient store where her father was the pharmacist, her mom was the book keeper and she was the person making sundaes. Her and her extended family worked together to get out of poverty. This is the model she built for Delancey Street. There are no therapist, no staff, only residents helping other residents.

She said in the beginning she would ask, “Who has ever cooked?”, and whoever raised their hand would become head chef of the Delancey Street Restaurant and Café. This continued throughout the various businesses they created.

All of the business’s ran by Delancey Street teach marketable skills ones they can use after their 4 year stay. In order to leave they must obtain a GED, get a job and a place to live. Silbert wants each resident to leave with 3 marketable skills to ensure their success.

She is one of the most amazing people I have ever heard speak. She has 2 PhD’s and is completely unpretentious. She said in order to be a good boss you need to be willing to do the work and set precedence. She is out there moving, painting, cooking, and doing whatever it takes for them to succeed.

One of my favorite stories she told was about a teenage girl just getting out of jail for prostitution, she was a 3rd generation prostitute. It is all she knew. Mimi went around to every private school in the San Francisco area asking if she could attend for free; and in return she and the other residents would do whatever was needed.

They all said no but 1. The school said you can paint this building and build an indoor play gym. She said, "we didn’t know how to do either but we figured it out". This woman has now moved on to college, graduate school and is now a MOLECULAR BIOLOGIST.

Another story I liked was when people arrive they are without family. Almost all of their relatives are also criminals, so the holidays are a horrible time. To help the situation she created a tree lot business. This is where all residents first work. They cut and sell Christmas trees and make 4 million dollars from Thanksgiving to Christmas. She said the best thing to give a depressed person is something to do. You work them 12 hours a day and they don’t have time to feel sorry for themselves. She also said they create social skills they didn’t have before. Brilliant.

She is amazing; truly inspiring.

If everyone could do a fraction of what she has already accomplished; imagine the world we would live in.

What's Up with the Cameltoe?

You all know what I'm talking about. Cameltoe..... the awful thing that occurs when your pants are tight in the labia therefore showing the inevitable outline of a woman's vaginal area. Honestly, I've seen some really bad "toe" lately.
Most recently I encountered three cases at Costco on Friday. I couldn't help but stare and wonder if cameltoe so severe is painful. How in the hell do labia get so swollen? Is it from masterbating too much? (I'm screwed then!) Is it genetic?
How do you tell someone they have cameltoe? I wouldn't know where to begin..... "I like your lipstick, speaking of lips your vagina looks swollen."
Most importantly is there a cure? Should there be a warning on clothing such as yoga pants and high waisted denim... "could cause a severe case of cameltoe."
I think we owe it to each other to help stop cameltoe. No one likes looking at it and I'm sure as hell it's not comfortable to have.
Be a friend, help cameltoe end!

Free Daycare

Apparently nobody told me that you can take your kids to McDonald's for lunch and they provide free daycare. This is amazing. Apparently this is a big secret, why you ask? Wouldn't all parents want to know? How many millions of dollars that could be saved in daycare costs. You walk in, order your calorie filled meal, a few happy meals, have your kids eat two bites and you can sit with all your buddies and chat and you don't even have to worry for one second that your child will be lost at the bottom of a slide under 10 kids that decided to all go down at the same time and proceed to stomp on your child as they get out and do it again to another poor kid whose parents didn't know the big secret.
After two hours of catching up, reading your newspaper, reminiscing with the other mommies and daddies privvy to this secret, drinking your poisionous diet drink, and waiting for the imaginary bell to ring, to let you know that its time to start yelling at the top of your lungs, because, this too is part of their curriculum, your child, after all that quality care and attention at the McDonald's day care, they now have learned, when mom or dad calls, it's time to go. No, they will not run to the top of the slide, where you can't reach them, until pure desperation kicks in, and proceed to ignore you screaming and threatening them that you will in fact leave them there if they don't come down by the time you count to five.
You then, look back at all your "friends" and say, this happens everytime, why does it have to be so hard? Hard you say, you just had free daycare for 2 hours, poor, poor you.
And no, your child was not the one that pushed my kid down the stairs, stole his precious toy of the week, and sat down and ate his/her bonus ice cream, because they finally came down after you counted to 10, 10 times, without washing their hands of the gazillions of germs they have covered on them.