M.I.A.

I have been missing in action for a while, although I had a brief moment of weakness and posted expressing my anger and irrational behavior, then deleted it, like it never happened.
Don't you wish you could take other things back that easily. Has my anger subsided, no, do I still feel irrational, yes, am I terrified, absolutely, who the hell wouldn't be, but what can you do?
Shocking as it may seem, I have tried to keep my emotional outbursts to a minimum, for fear that I may be too much to take, there are only very few people that I can allow myself to be that vulnerable with, and even then, I worry and feel regret as soon as the words jump out of my mouth, and the tears hit my face.
One one hand, I feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but my optimism has been somewhat misguided lately, so even with that, completely afraid to even show any kind of hope for fear, saying it out loud, will immediately spark the opposite.
Thank you to those of you who did not shake their head at my anger, throw out their destructive criticism, those who did not shy away from my tears, and just listened. I am grateful, as that is how it should be, and only hope I can ever return the favor.

PS. I have changed my name to Eighty eight, it is a CB handle for Love and Kisses, I am a lover not a fighter. No more of this Drama Queen crap, I am not ashamed of my emotions, so why give myself a name like that, eh?