I Want to Tell You All...

Before the crazy days ahead leave me tired, cranky, and overwhelmed, I wanted to let all of you women know that I'll be thinking of you and your families. I hope everyone enjoys the time you have with family and friends. I love all of you and could not imagine my 2008 without you! To many more years together... Cheers!

Is it mine or is it yours?

I was reading an article yesterday about couple's and how more and more are keeping their own bank accounts after marriage.

Ryan and I have had separate accounts for almost 10 years and I won’t lie and say it has been smooth sailings. However, is it that we didn’t join or was it normal relationship snags? Money is always an issue with couples joined or separate, right?

I like that he doesn’t inspect every purchase I make and vice versa. It is interesting how naturally certain household purchases get assigned. If the car breaks down, that’s Ryan’s, if the kids need birthday or Christmas presents, that’s me. Food is a combination and so forth.

I will say, separate or not, I have his PIN.

Sometimes mamma needs something pretty.

Just kidding, honey!

Damn

Here, a week has gone by and I haven't had a chance to check this thing out. It's amazing.

You women are all beautiful, articulate people with intuition and strength.

I tend to withdraw when I'm struggling with issues but this is a much faster and more positive forum to help deal with this crazy world.

Thanks for initiating this!

Karla, damn! How the hell are you? Send me your email address.
Wow, I'm sleep deprived.

I hope to see you all soon.

I'm Just Venting

I read Ashley's blog about the parents doing their 3 year old's craft instead of letting the child do it themselves. I had the same experience last night at Max's basketball game. The dad behind me kept yelling to his son "get your head in the game." What the hell? These kids are 5 and 6 years old. Then a father on Max's team literally grabbed his son by the back of his neck and shoved him in front of the coach and said "play him." What a boner! And to top it off the two coaches of the other team were constantly yelling at the kids when they couldn't make a shot. I was so upset I actually felt that some people should not reproduce! Now I sound like my husband.

Random acts of non-dick-ish-ness

Just when I am about to throw in the towel and move to some remote rural area, someone surprises me with some random act of kindness.

While in a bagel shop today, a sweet man began talking to Kate and asking her various questions. Ok I know what you thinking, CREEPY!

But he was genuine and sweet; don't get me wrong I didn't leave her side.

He asked her when her birthday was and when she said in her tiny voice "January 14th", he got into his pocket and gave her a dollar and said Happy Birthday!

Just every now and then I need that, it gives me a little faith that not everyone is a dick.

Seize the Balls...

Ryan's company did a PSA...it's awesome. Check it out.

http://carpetestes.org/

Priming the Pump (so to speak)

I wasn't around for the original conversation at Sundance, but I hear ya! Babies or no, we all go through periods of non-interest. And we certainly all have the right to say "no." That said, though, I think saying "no" can become a bad habit. "No" means you don't have to take time away from whatever you're doing and try to focus (on him, on sex, on the relationship, on avoiding whatever is bugging you about your body at the moment, etc.), so when you're not in the mood, it's so easy to slip into the habit of just not trying.

I'm a big believer in taking one for the team. So what if it's not earth-shattering (or even mildly exciting) every time? As the previous posts attest, too many rejections can cause all sorts of other problems that get in the way of the relationship. I think it's enough sometimes just to keep the pump primed, so when your desire returns you can really get busy. (The funny thing is, done right, this kind of sex usually takes about the same amount of time as a rejection conversation and ends WAY better. Just be sure he knows what's up so he doesn't spend a lot of time trying for something that just not gonna happen.)

Of course, this only works if you can do it with an open heart, generous and not resentful; if you can make it warm and loving, even though it's not particularly steamy for you. No laying there like a dead fish. (We usually both end up laughing a lot, but we're weird that way.) Anyway, if you find the idea of non-serious, non-orgasm, just-for-him sex really repulsive or just impossible, I'd guess that something else is probably going on and "no" may be signaling more than a lack of desire. If you can look at it as a nice thing to do for him and for your relationship, then no worries! Your libido will return, probably when you least expect it, and he can pay you back.

Can you clearly define a racist....?

I had a very interesting conversation this weekend with a southerner. We started talking about racism and I made the stereotypical joke “well you are from the South!”

She was stating that she does not think of herself as racist, but her family and friends defiantly have a different perspective on “what a racist is”. What we deem as a racist isn’t the case in other areas of the U.S.

She came from a place where throwing around the “N” word was totally acceptable. At one point my chin actually dropped, I’m not used to hearing anyone say it.

However, I wasn’t offended, other people were, but my thoughts are people come from all walks of life and our experiences are all different.

I happen to have grown up in New York where being politically correct is a must and you would have gotten your ass beat if you uttered the “N” word. And on the flip side, all of my black friends were allowed in my home, but I wasn’t allowed in some of theirs. Their elders had horrific experiences with white people and I don’t blame them.

Saying that, she came from a place where it was acceptable, she doesn’t say it, but doesn’t condone it from her family and friends.

Does that make someone a racist?